I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
