hotel room ftw
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
