hell yes lets make some ravioli
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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