Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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