Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
