I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
