Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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