I will die if light touches me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
