i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
