I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
