he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
