This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
