I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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