yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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