He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
