he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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