Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
