I wish i was in the wii world.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
