its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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