apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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