Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
