Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
