I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
