sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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