i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
