I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
