I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
