i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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