at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
