i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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