i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
