i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
