We won't sleep together?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
