Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want nice things and good sex
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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