All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
