i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
