if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
