guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
