i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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