I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
