after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
