who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
