I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
