Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
