The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
