those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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