when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
