i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
