cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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