The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize