My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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