I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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