god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
