You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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