His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
