Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
