She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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