Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
