My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
