Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
