Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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