I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize