Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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