She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
