My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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